像报复性睡觉获得一个懊悔的傍晚，像报复性睡觉一样，我睡掉了一个傍晚，醒来时只剩下懊悔。不记录，不产出，也不和任何人交换信息。时间没有被使用，只是从身上流过去。以前一直当学生，总以为闲着就像过暑假，可以什么都不做。可某一天突然意识到，原来这样也会变老，于是开始焦躁。
毕业前后，我一直说要精修作品集，其实是在逃避面试。作品集文件夹开着，招聘页面开着，入管的事情也压在那里。我每天都像在等一个不会提前通知的判决，一边害怕结果，一边什么也没有推进。
后来我真的找到工作了，在一家制作会社上班。上司告诉我被录用的那个早上，我很开心，开心得有点不真实。现在回头看，那些关于无职、签证和面试的焦虑已经变得陌生。只是新的焦虑很快又长出来，换了一种更日常的形状。
那些无职的日子骗不了自己。皮克敏的当日总结里，我总是勾选"伤心"。现在至少会勾选"开心"。有时候是因为真的开心，有时候只是因为不想再选"伤心"。
毕业前后，我一直说要精修作品集，其实是在逃避面试。作品集文件夹开着，招聘页面开着，入管的事情也压在那里。我每天都像在等一个不会提前通知的判决，一边害怕结果，一边什么也没有推进。
后来我真的找到工作了，在一家制作会社上班。上司告诉我被录用的那个早上，我很开心，开心得有点不真实。现在回头看，那些关于无职、签证和面试的焦虑已经变得陌生。只是新的焦虑很快又长出来，换了一种更日常的形状。
那些无职的日子骗不了自己。皮克敏的当日总结里，我总是勾选"伤心"。现在至少会勾选"开心"。有时候是因为真的开心，有时候只是因为不想再选"伤心"。
Like sleeping out of spite and waking up to a regretful evening, life starts to feel tasteless when I stop recording, creating, or exchanging anything with others. I spent so long being a student that I kept thinking free time could be treated like summer vacation — doing nothing, guilt-free. But time slipped by, and suddenly I felt myself getting older. That made me anxious.
Around graduation, I kept using "my portfolio still needs more polishing" as an excuse to avoid interviews. I was constantly caught between job hunting and visa anxiety. At the same time, I acted like an ostrich, buryinmy head in the sand and waiting for judgment, staying still with the dunes.
Now I have a job and work at a production company. Looking back, those old anxieties already feel distant. I was so happy on the morning my boss told me I had been hired. But little by little, new worries began to take their place.
During those painful days of unemployment, I could not lie to myself. In Pikmin's daily summary, I always checked "sad." Now, at least, I sometimes check "happy," as if trying to hypnotize myself into believing that I am doing okay.
Around graduation, I kept using "my portfolio still needs more polishing" as an excuse to avoid interviews. I was constantly caught between job hunting and visa anxiety. At the same time, I acted like an ostrich, buryinmy head in the sand and waiting for judgment, staying still with the dunes.
Now I have a job and work at a production company. Looking back, those old anxieties already feel distant. I was so happy on the morning my boss told me I had been hired. But little by little, new worries began to take their place.
During those painful days of unemployment, I could not lie to myself. In Pikmin's daily summary, I always checked "sad." Now, at least, I sometimes check "happy," as if trying to hypnotize myself into believing that I am doing okay.